Natalie Coleman emerged from a very dark place of chronic alcoholism, addiction, and shocking mental health in the form of an eating disorder. She lost her job and didn’t know what to do with the rest of her life. Thankfully she had the capacity and developed the tools to come out the other side. And regain her confidence.
Natalie now has the opportunity to embrace a second chance. And the power of learning and letting go of “all of that stuff that got me into the most awful trouble as a human being”.
This remarkable lady knows that if she could get through all of that, she can get through anything.
Natalie’s Experience of Confidence
Confidence comes and goes. It’s not a constant. There are, at times, rocky roads. But it’s the lows that have helped build Natalie up to be the confident woman she is today.
“Confidence is something that inspires you to live your life.”
Today Natalie finds her strength in her truth and common everyday good practice.
Natalie’s Eight Truths
- Self-Love
Confidence is ultimately a byproduct of self-love. Self-love is inherent and achievable, but not automatic.
We don’t need to fall into the depths of despair or into crisis so that we can come out to learn to love ourselves. It has to be nurtured from a young age. And, as adults, we can surround ourselves with others who love themselves and who encourage us to believe in ourselves and our self-worth.
Modern life means we are so wrapped up in being busy.
Where’s the time for me?
It takes strength to take a step back and treat and reward ourselves to the hot bath with stacks of bubbles. And then soak so long that the water goes cold. Or lie on the sofa for 3 hours to watch Netflix. We deserve it. We even find it difficult to find the time for meditation or prayer.
The more we do it, the easier it becomes. We start to feel the benefits of looking after ourselves.The payoff is just so great.
The spring in my step returns when I love myself a little. I feel like I am walking on air. It’s such a good exercise for someone who is feeling a lack of confidence. Give yourself some time for self-love!
- Stay in the Present Moment
It’s so easy to get trapped in the past. The future is worrying. But, we can’t control what’s going to happen in 10 minutes. We can’t change what’s happened in the past. So all that is good is in the now. The ‘now’ has energies we can harness to move forwards. And then accept that it is going to be okay.
“Everything in the present is okay. Everything now is what it’s meant to be.”
- Be Disciplined
You’ve got to be disciplined. When you have been through a trauma and you feel low, you exist at a functional level.
How do you take that to the next level?
Maybe you start with the most obvious…
Here is an example: My public speaking isn’t that great. Maybe I need to work on it. Now I can take action and plot how I can get better at public speaking. It’s about being disciplined to grow. I know I will also find those feelings of being alive in the process.
I can even find inspirational people who have an impact on me. People I look up to.
- What is their story?
- How did they get to where they are?
- What did they do that I’m missing?
We’re so privileged with the amount of information that we have available to us.
And then, most importantly, I know I need to be disciplined to find the time to give myself that self-love. And then take me back to a time when I did feel confident and when I felt excited and felt a love of life.
It may be to find structure in your life.
- Overcoming Fear
Fear has its root in anger, despair and so much negative behaviour. It’s okay to be afraid. But ask yourself:
What am I afraid of?
The underlying cause of that fear may involve doing some work. Maybe it’s about going back to having been let down by somebody, or that you believe you failed at public speaking. It could be a lifetime in the past.
Accept what happened. And accept it as the past. That was then, this is now.
- Letting Go
I have learned not to try to control or manipulate any outcome. It’s as simple as that!
I am now focused on being prepared. I set myself up for what I believe in, and I believe the results will be what they are supposed to be.
When we try to control, we tend to fail. This has got me into so much trouble. But I am learning to let go of the results. I still have a vision and I still take risks, but I still have to do the work.
And if we have the right intent, with love and integrity, the results will be there. If they’re not, we can always start again. Because, if our intention is not focused on the outcome, but rather on the intention, the ‘failure’ isn’t a failure at all.
You have just taken a different route to a result. Failure is such a harsh word, and unnecessary. But when the result isn’t as good as we wanted, focusing on where it landed in your heart, we can use that in the next project, process or experience.
If you are afraid to take the next step, ask yourself, “What is the worst-case scenario?” What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Has the world stopped turning? Is the sun still going to come up tomorrow?”
Letting go has taken many years. But it is all progress and nowhere near perfection. So all the skills I have learned along the way, are amazing. And life is starting to make a lot more sense.
- Learning
I think that as we start to learn about what good looks like and what good feels like, we have to start to unlearn. An old, bad habit can only be replaced by a good habit.
If I was negative, I’m going to be positive. If I was selfish, I’m going to be selfless.
So it’s about learning to identify those behaviours that are keeping us stuck.
And when I have identified a bad behaviour, I now know what I have to work with.
- What do I need to do so that I am not miserable?
- What do I need to do to be happy?
We can now start the unlearned through the process of learning. It’s almost like there’s only so much space. So if you take a negative thing out, there’s a gap and it has to be positive. Or if you make something positive, there’s no space for the negative to exist.
Fear and love cannot operate together.
- Have conversations
We can create a bubble of happiness when we find people we can have powerful conversations with, can share ourselves with, and ask for help.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I have learned not to be ashamed to ask for help. It’s a very powerful thing to ask for help. We don’t do it enough, or at all. We think it’s going to make us look weak. And we’re taught that we need to be strong. We need to just march forward. And of course, boys don’t cry.
And yet it’s okay to fall over and get up and dust off the grit.
But it starts with a conversation with someone you love and respect, and who is not going to judge you, which is so important.
You may consider finding a support group of like-minded people who are seeking the same kind of inspiration, support, and conversation as you. You are not alone! Learning to talk to others and feeling connected – it’s so powerful!
Start with the conversation and the learning will follow.
- Gratitude
Gratitude plays a huge part in my confidence. What we have now, that abundance, can only grow. So that’s a big part of the heart of my mind. I’ve noticed that when I am grateful, the circuits in my brain change from a simple shift in the language I use.
I share it on WhatsApp. A group of us have a WhatsApp group to share our greatness amongst ourselves with at least 10 things. What I am really grateful for and why. We do it daily. I need to do something to give me a little boost to believe that anything is possible. And it is so lovely!
It is not always possible to feel invincible. Life does get in the way and shit does happen.
But, when I know how it feels and what I need to do to feel that again, it is amazing. I find it helps change my behaviour. Things that made me miserable, I can change to feeling cheerful and happy. So, confidence comes from things like being grateful.
I am constantly amazed when I focus on being grateful. You’ll be amazed too.
Reclaiming Confidence
Natalie believes that to reclaim our confidence, we need to spend time working on what we need and what we feel. When we are more aware of giving ourselves permission to be a bit vulnerable because that’s also where the growth happens. Then we can explore how we want to correct our journey.
And a beautiful journey is possible.
We can recognise when our old negative behaviours start to creep in, which we can overcome with a stream of confidence, positivity, and gratitude. It doesn’t mean that those negativities don’t exist anymore. It is just how we learned to deal with them differently.
You know you are on track when you feel the energy come back. The world changes around you because you have planted that little seed when it (and you) are the most vulnerable before it takes root.
When we give and carefully nurture, anything is possible.
Actionable Steps from Natalie
- Plot how you can take something in your life to the next level
- Thank God
- Be open-minded enough to listen
- Learn to be grateful for what we have. Maybe start a Gratitude group on WhatsApp
It sounds so simple. It is simple. And yes, it can be so difficult. If we focus on making the journey beautiful, then confidence will grow.
