Mom wasn’t very religious, but it was important for her to make sure I had full access to religion. She took me to Sunday School and during the school holidays, I often went to an activity programme at the local Methodist church. Mom didn’t go to church every Sunday, but for a time, when I was little, she made an effort for at least Christmas Day.
As I got older and was starting to explore how I felt about religion, mom would wake me on Sunday mornings and ask me if I wanted to go to Sunday School. If I didn’t, neither of us would go. But if I did want to go, mom would drop me off and read the Sunday Times in the car under the tree across the road from the church. When Sunday School was finished, most of the kids went to the church doors to wait for the service to end. I skipped across the road to mom in the car.
Christmas Day
Because it was just the two of us, we spent most Christmases at home without much fuss. Sometimes we were invited to spend the day with friends. And sometimes mom treated us to a meal out. I remember going to a German restaurant one Christmas Day, which was a wonderful experience. I am sure the special meal out was dependent on our financial situation, but this was never mentioned.
It’s interesting that I don’t remember the food we had on Christmas Day at home. I couldn’t tell you if it was something special. For all I know, it was scrambled eggs on toast. But what I do remember is how much fun we had. There were times I did a variety ‘one-man’ show. I read Bible verses, sang Christmas carols, acted out the nativity, and even had to build in costume changes.
I loved riddles and treasure hunts and often made mom look for her present using clues I planted all over the house and garden.
Presents
In the southern hemisphere, the new school year starts in January. So, my Christmas present was generally stationery, a sports kit, or something I needed for school. I never told mom I was disappointed in getting a practical and useful gift. I didn’t ever want her to feel pressure to spend money she didn’t have. But mom did try her best with the little money we had. And I knew that, even from a very young age.
‘Orphans’ Christmas
After I graduated as a teacher, I left South Africa to backpack on a 2 year Working Holiday visa. With my boyfriend at the time, we spent Christmas with others who were also away from their families. It was always a big booze-up and great fun with too much food and loads of silly games.
My favourite Christmases were spent in Europe when I was working as a tour guide. I had the most wonderful privilege of spending Christmas Day with my clients in London, Barcelona, Paris, Mijas, and Munich. The cultures and traditions made each experience unique and utterly special.
Family
I can count on one hand, the Christmasses I spent with family. Mom’s side wasn’t always very close and I barely know my father’s side.
And yet, I have always felt that Christmas is family time. As an adult, when I have been ‘the girlfriend’, I always felt like I was intruding. I never truly felt comfortable coming in on family traditions. The presents are always awkward too – what do they buy me and what do I buy them? Especially if we don’t know each other and only really spend time together over the festive season.
Since I lost my mother in 2014, and not having children of my own, I have felt more and more detached from Christmas. The religious aspect, for me, is more about tradition than belief, and the excitement has waned.
Volunteering
I have always been acutely aware of the loneliness Christmas day brings for so many. This time of the year, the media and TV are constant reminders for some, that the ‘wonderful day’ will not be filled with loved ones and laughter.
For quite a few years I volunteered at the Frome Big Christmas. This is a big lunch for up to 100 people who are on their own on the day. Volunteers pick people up and drop them home after lunch, carols, and (in the past) ‘The Queen’s Speech’. I often worked the whole day at the event, helped clear up, and got home after 6pm to flop on the couch.
Money
For years I spent almost £200 buying, posting, and delivering Christmas cards. But every year I got fewer cards back. Slowly I stopped sending cards altogether because it just became so expensive.
Then the pandemic came. Financially it hit us really hard.
The ‘Middle Isle’ at Lidl was all we could afford for Christmas presents. And I lost interest in even putting up the tree, fairy lights, and tinsel. Even though Christmas as a child wasn’t extravagant it was fun. Mom always made sure I enjoyed it. But as an adult, it really feels a bit flat when money is a concern.
Even just exchanging small gifts doesn’t feel worth making the effort. It feels so forced – I have to buy something because is it Christmas. And to be honest, I don’t need anything. I have what I need. And spending money, just for the sake of it, is not necessary. We have too much stuff anyway. I have also bought experience gifts in the past – ballroom dance classes, whiskey tasting, golf lessons, and family steam train experience. But they have never been used. So, I now make things instead and give them to friends during the year. This feels so much better and is more appreciated, I think.
Naughty or nice
Playful Santa questions if we have been ‘naughty or nice’. But as the year draws to a close, I rather consider if I feel like I have made a difference or not, grown or done something different. Yes, I have lots to be happy about, but it is always the negative that overshadows our successes.
This year, having stepped into politics, I have experienced harassment (which I had to report to the police), aggression, and negativity. I have been blocked on social media and on the phone by friends, noticed people have ‘cooled’ towards me, and cross the road when they see me coming.
But, I know I have worked hard for people in my district, and yet, this year, more than ever, I feel disconnected from life and useless. I really don’t want to celebrate, anything. Christmas seems frivolous, fake, and pointless. And when so many in the UK are struggling more than we are (we have not had a working boiler this winter yet and it had got down to minus 6) and the Ukrainians are fighting for their lives, how can I indulge?
So, again this year, no Christmas tree, no presents, and no special food. Just a fry-up breakfast before I deliver some food hampers for the Frome Big Christmas, and a walk with my gorgeous dog and my special other half. I will probably write, read and do some housework and ironing. And I am completely happy with that. I really am.
Maybe next year I will feel like I can afford it, want, or deserve it.
