On the 30th of January 2022, it will be 28 years since I arrived in the UK. Little did I know that I would spend the rest of my life in No Man’s Land. My intention was to work in the UK for 2 years and take pounds back to South Africa to start my adult life.
Mom had taken out a loan to pay for my ticket. I think she knew I would not return to South Africa, but she always told me there was no future for me there. She wanted the very best for me, even if it meant she was giving me the wings to make a life thousands of miles away from her.
Reality
I never intended to leave South Africa. And I never intended to remain in the UK. But, almost 28 years later I am still here. It’s a strange situation. I still don’t fit into the UK.
- I sound different.
- Having seen poverty, and having lived through tough times, I have a very different view of the world.
- I communicate differently
- South Africans have a very different sense of humour.
- I also don’t always understand the British cultural references of the time before I arrived here.
I don’t fit into South Africa anymore.
Being out of the country for so long leaves a massive gap in my knowledge and understanding of life in my country of birth. When I go ‘home’, I feel like an outsider – a tourist.
As I get older, I miss my roots more. We all yearn for ‘times that have gone by’ and the ‘familiarity’ of what we knew. But the reality is that is it not the same as it was. I am not the same person either.
Being brave
Yesterday I got a message from a lady who is in her late 50s. She arrived in the UK from South Africa less than a year ago to be with her daughter and grandchildren. “I am battling to fit in and need to talk to someone. Just feel down in the dumps”, she texted.
She is so courageous to leave what she knows to start a new life so far away from her roots. I totally get it. But I did it when I was in my 20s. All I can do is give her a hug and reassure her. But I know she will have to dig deep to carve her own happiness, without relying on others. And reminding herself why she is here.
Loneliness
It is lonely in ‘no man’s land’. Every day I thank my late mom for teaching me to find my joy in the simple things in life. Many South Africans complain about the British weather, but I love the coziness of the dark, cold winters. I celebrate the magic of a British spring, and I adore the colours of autumn. Summer, too, is genuinely gorgeous.
The heart is where the home is
Although I will always exist in ‘no man’s land’, my heart and my home are with my other half and our dog. I am incredibly lucky that Dan found me in that car park in St Ives in Cornwall 😊. And I am thankful every day that I live in a country where I don’t have burglar bars on the windows, where I get world-class medical care, where things work, and where I have been given opportunities to grow and learn.
Thank you to South Africa for my roots. And thank you to the UK for my wings.
The South Africa you left 28 years ago, does not exist anymore.
First if all 28 years ago there was about 8 to 10 million Anglo Saxon people in SA. Now we will consider our selfs grateful if we can get 1.5 million.
The other 58 million begrudge those that remain and still resent us for our history. You go to Eastrand Mall, Westgate, Sandton city you are made to feel like you are an imposter like you are not welcome. Even if you helped design or build such structures in the first place. Even those that come from Zimbabwe, Malawi, Botswana, Mozambique make you feel like an imposter in your own home. It is not our home anymore.